Manly Lobster Soup -
What to do first: First, head down to the grocery store (that's that big building with lots of people going in with shopping carts and coming out with food, there's usually one in every neighborhood, shouldn't be too hard to find). Once there, you'll need to pick up the following items:
Ingredients:
French bread or crusty bread - that's the kind that Charlie Brown had while he was in France. Can be found in the bakery section of the grocery store
One lobster - Can be frozen or fresh. You can purchase them live, or have the seafood department person steam them first. I've used frozen in the past, which works fine. A small lobster usually runs about $10.
Seafood - pick up some fish (such as pollack, halibut, flounder, or cod), small package will do. Also, some scallops or shrimp are also good, as are oysters. Try to get a good variety, but don't break the bank. If you're on a tight budget, just the fish will do.
Vegetables - a bunch of asparagus and 1 or 2 large potatoes. Several of the smaller potatoes will also work well.
Fresh cream or milk - I usually use the 10% cream, although you can go right up to 35%, which makes it even tastier; however, if you want to go low-fat, stick with the milk, either 1% or 2%.
A few herbs and spices - black pepper, basil, thyme, coriander, etc. Try to use what you have around the house, just don't go crazy with too much. A few dashes of each works best.
Salt - About a tablespoon will do.
A bottle of wine - Not an absolute necessity, but definitely a nice addition to any dinner date. Ask your local merchant for a suitable wine for seafood.
What to do next: Take all that stuff you got from the grocery store, clean the cooking surface, and get out the following:
Materials:
One large pot (saucepan) - enough to hold 2-3 litres of water with some extra room.
A large cooking knife
A cutting board
A large wooden spoon (metal or plastic will also work)
Soup bowls
A nice serving plate or a basket for the bread
Butter for the bread
Preparation: Next, wash the vegetables. The potatoes don't have to be peeled, it up to you, but the do have to be washed. Break off the woody bottoms of the asparagus and chop them up into finger-length pieces (into halves or thirds, depending on the size of the bunch). Chop up the potatoes, peeling them first if you prefer. First, chop them in 1cm slices horizontally, take about half the potato with slices stacked up like a dome, then cut again in 1cm slices top to bottom and left to right, in a grid pattern. You should have 1cm x 1cm x 1cm potato cubes when you're done (cool, eh? It's like geometry class AND cooking class at the same time!)
Fill the pot up with 2 or 3 litres of warm water. Turn on the oven element heat to medium-high (just don't burn the house down).
Now, chop up the lobster. Take a big knife and chop it in half, lengthwise. Chop of the large claws and throw everything in the water. The shell of the lobster will help to flavor the soup, so it's not necessary to remove it from the lobster meat. By now, the water should be getting hot, if not boiling, so let the lobster soak in the water for about 5 minutes.
Throw in the potatoes. The potatoes will take a little longer to cook, so leave them in for a few minutes, then put in the asparagus.
After a minute or two, the ingredients should be boiling along nicely. Now, chop up the fish and other seafood into nice-sized chunks, or better yet, don't bother chopping up the fish, just break it up with your hands. The idea is to make it chunky, sort of a stick-to-your ribs seafood stew.
Add the salt, about a tablespoon, or a bit more. Season it to taste, but careful not to make it too salty. Add herbs and spices, such as pepper and basil. Turn the temperature down to medium to medium-low heat and let everything simmer.
While the soup is cooking, it's time to cut the bread. Wash the cutting board and dry it off. Now, using your best samurai swordsmanship, chop up the bread into manly slices, kind of like when that guy at the tattoo parlor got chopped up by Rain at the beginning of "Ninja Assassin." A good idea is to not chop all the way through, just nearly to the bottom. The slices will still be attached together, but can be broken off easily. Heat the bread up in the microwave for half a minute. Put the bread on a serving plate with a slab (or dollop) of butter.
Set the table, call your lady and tell her dinner is almost ready, light a candle or two, and set the bread on the table. Ask her if she would like some wine, open up the wine bottle like a man (with a corkscrew), and pour the wine. Usually wine glasses work best, your Camp Budweiser Beer Stein is probably not going to impress in this particular situation.
Now, for the final step, add the cream or milk to the soup. About half a quart (250 mL) will do, a bit more if you want it thicker. It should look like cream of mushroom soup.
Pour the soup into the soup bowls, add a piece of lobster to each, and serve (with a spoon, of course). Voila!! (That's something French chefs say when they serve food, it means "here it is". Come to think of it, the Swedish chef doesn't say that, but then again, nobody really knows what he's saying, even Swedish people. But the chocolate moose skit was funny...ha ha, ha ha...)
COOK LIKE A MAN!!
Sylvester Stallone says:
- Now, that there's some good soup, Adrian!!
